Deep down inside, I know, whole-heartedly, what I'm doing to myself, negatively. I know, I remember, what it felt like to be so close to perfection, and yet I refuse to use that sense of control. I know, that I have every bit of strength,determination,control, and self-will to do what I know is right. Its really not all that hard, considering its a "mind" thing. If I was able to get there before, I can do it again,right? All it takes is me. Everything is layed out infront of me, I just need to step up to the plate. I'm looking for something though, something to give me that push, but haven't I gotten enough "pushes" already? Yes! I have a interview with a modeling agent, THURSDAY!....and yet I failed to get my butt in gear! So what now? I need answers...How I'm feeling now, gross, slow, fat,disgusting, sure isn't pleasing, I want to feel "less"...I know I CAN do this, but something isn't letting me....I want to kick that wall down, and start my journey! The thing about that wall, it seems to be made out of concrete...and well, nothing I try is strong enough! So, tomorrow..oh what will tomorrow bring; another day of failure?..No, I have to think positive, and act as if I have that control and eventually it will come, right? So, I CAN do this, and tomorrow WILL be a good day:)
xoxo
-T
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