The past still hurts, ayy

Hey lovelies,
It's been awhile since I've blogged. I can almost say I miss it. I sometimes wonder though if there is anyone really out there who reads my post. My "mother" as I hate to call her, just came home from the beach. I have to say I've had a happy, stress free time with her away. A couple of days ago I made cookies and burnt myself; tonight when I showed her what I did she decided to remark on my past. I hate to re-live it but...guess that's not an option anymore. "You didn't enjoy the pain" I don't know if she mean't for it to be a statement, or question. That set me off. I could just feel the old me coming back. I didn't know wether to be sad, or mad. I acted as so I didn't hear her and went on with the story and yet she still remarks on the past. "Well, guess it'll look like your wrist, you shouldn't mind" I don't know if she knows that it's not something I care to just "laugh off." That's definately not it..I got up and walked away and she stands there stopping me from running away. I guess running away isn't the answer for everytthing,but wouldn't you have wanted to be alone? Anyways, she said she was sorry, "I shouldn't have said that" blaah blah blah...I don't care, move out of my way!

As I sit here, I don't know what to think, or say.... I just know that what I've been through, I regret it at times, I'm ashamed. I wish I could forget. I want to cry, but I don't want to show my weakness. I want to be strong and stand up to my "feelings/thoughts" I'm not a victim to them anymore. I wish I could take it all back. There's times where I don't even see the scars until someone says some thing. Why is it this hard? Anyways, I guess you could say this was a rant, but I felt the need to "let things out"...
Take Care!

xoxo
-T