A race with myself

For the past few days I have been uncertain with myself, or who I even am. It's like I can be sitting in a room full of people, but I'm not "in-touch" with my body...sort of like in another world, watching what's going on around me, but not actually "there" Sounds crazy. It's a hazy fog feeling. I feel "out of place. Sometimes its like I live in another world.

Lately, I've been in a race with myself almost. Trying to see how deep I can cut or how many pills I can take, or how far to extreme I can go. Unusual. I've been thinking about going to see another psychiatrist, but then I might just end up on crazy meds or in a mental institution. Maybe that's what I need. To go somewhere and find myself again....eeeh, that's okay.

I haven't been "me" lately. I have two worlds; three really. World A, equals my fantasy world. World B, equals hell pretty much, and world C equals what my life could/should be.

I constantly stay tired. It's like I never can get enough sleep. My school work is slipping. Im starting to just stare off into another world. I think all the time, about things that I usually dont remember. It reminds me of a hypnosis or something. Right now, I feel in a "in-between" mood. Not sad, but not happy, just here, in a fog. Not only am I tired, I stay irritable too. I blow up at people all the time for nothing. Like the other day, my grandmother came in and asked me "how was school?" I competely bitched at her. I hate it. I want the "loving" life.


xoxo
-T