I came here tonight because I thought I wanted to blog. Then all of a sudden, I just didn't have any interest. I think there's something wrong with me...Haha, did I really just say that?? Okay, let's try this again:...I know there's somehing wrong with, actually have known it for awhile. The past few days I have been really, hyperactive, restless almost and now I can just feel my mood declining. I feel as though, I'm unwanted. I am a misfit. I seem to not belong anywhere, and I'm tired of faking like everything is perfect. I honestly feel like this little "puzzle" I've put together is starting to fall apart. No longer do I go about my business and actually.....think everything is okay. Now it's different. I go just about everday, pretending...then when I'm alone, and I have the time to ponder, I realize...there's no point in pretending anymore, because...it's pretty obvious. So, what do I do? I surely do hate not being accepted, or included, or apart of something/someone.....
Off subject, I miss my ED....I miss the "feeling" of everything from two years ago...is that unusual? I feel myself bouncing back and forth between feelings/actions...I don't feel anything, then I do (never good feelings). I feel myself relaspsing back into my ED....maybe...I'm actually a bit confused, a bit numb...I do feel like I have no purpose. And that everyone is judging me....Anyways, I guess I'll lay here and stare at my ceiling fan (seems to be my best, and only hobby)...I'll ponder...I'll watch myself and see what happens next
xoxo
-T
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